Why is it so hard to enjoy butt stuff? (as a AMAB)
NSFW
I'm what most people would consider a 'guy'. I try to think beyond gender and I'm questioning that whole identity but that's not relevant here.
My question, for anyone experienced in the matter is, ive heard so much about the wonders of the prostate, but find it incredibly difficult to enjoy anal stimulation. I enjoy the feeling of being stretched or full, or having a butt plug in the few times I've tried it. I kind of enjoyed the feeling of a strap-on, until it started moving, and then it just kinda made me feel like I needed to pee. But people go on and on about the wonders of prostate assisted orgasms, and I don't get that at all. Sure, it's a mildly pleasurable feeling in isolation, but every time I try to jerk off or have sex with something in my butt, the orgasm sucks. It's basically ruined. It feels almost like when you stop right before cumming and just ejaculate without any orgasm sensation. This is so far from how I've heard people describe it that I have to wonder if I'm doing something wrong, but I've tried a few times with different methods but the same results. Whatever is in my butt feels kinda good on its own, but then once I try jerking off or having sex, it's like its just stealing sensation away from my dick, and it ends up making my orgasm feel totally hollow and unsatisfying. I don't get the full body tingles or waves of muscle contractions or feelings of sarisfaction I usually do, cum just shoots out and it's over. Has anyone else found this or am I just weird?
The first thing to learn from anal play is that it takes time to develop the same kind of sensations sex organs can return. The same broad area and nerve endings are being brought to engagement but different sensations have to be meshed in with what the body usually defaults to.
The prostate is not a magic button. It can be excessively sensitive, which can make things painfull, or not sensitive enough, thus not returning feedback relatable as pleasure.
Experience is individual and subjective. To some, just the thought of experimenting with something, the expectation, the fantasizing, returns pleasure, both mental and physical. To others, not so much.
And to anal play a lot of patience has to be exercized, along with pragmatism. It requires repetition and adjustment. And if enough tries are made and results are not obtained then maybe, just maybe, anal is not a thing to add to the personal repertoire.
The phisiology is there but it does not imply everyone can use it to the same ends.
Now to my own personal experience.
I was lucky from the start, in my view. I start exploring in my teens and the rapport was there so it evolved into something I truly enjoyed and mixed into my pleasure experience. When I could access toys I bought a couple to further my experience and things got more interesting as it went.
Later on, again, luckily, I found the right person for me and we got to exploring anal together and it reached a peak I hadn't been able to climb up to that point.
From early experiences with anal stimulation augmented masturbation, to butt plugs, to finally dildos, I discovered I could and can orgasm with and through anal stimulation alone. I learned what kind of toy can give me the stimulation I need to just get aroused, to enhancing my orgasm, to giving me one with no added stimulation.
But all of this is me. You need to explore yourself and by yourself and with a friend, which is always fun, and take mental notes of what works and what does not.
I came here to say this, but you said it so much better and with a lovely warm personal touch.
Thank you for a great reply!
Thank you for your kind words. I'm blushing.
Thanks for the response, I replied to another comment more in depth but it was also influenced by my thoughts after reading your comment so I thought I should reply here too, but I think maybe where the disconnect is is that I enjoyed anal stimulation on its own, but I still always kind of viewed it as just a quick and dirty way to enhance the 'real' thing, aka a penile orgasm. But maybe I need to try to just appreciate it on its own, rather than use it an enhancer to an already great experience. More as like a side dish or even a second entree rather than a condiment.
I can relate to what you're saying. Also AMAB, but I think it relates to something psychosexual. Carl Jung believed that Eastern philosophical practices and Taoist exercise could bring about some form of enlightenment and ecstasy of life. It's not too far off from the psychedelic movement in the West these days... Anyway, a week or two ago, my wife was rimming me, and I realised I needed to combine both my anal and penile selves (think Freud) together to enjoy that moment. It's not easy but when you relax into it and balance your own yin/yang complete self, you can enjoy it... But if you don't, it'll feel like two different people in the same body. Hope that makes sense?
This is an interesting take, and I've experimented a decent amount with psychedelics so I think I can kinda see where you're coming from. I do relate to the two selves thing, where my more 'feminine' side for lack of a better word enjoys the submissiveness and loss of control from anal play, but that's competing directly with my more dominant nature when I begin the penis stimulation. I always kind of thought of anal play as a sort of enhancer or a means to an end towards improving a 'penile' orgasm, but now that I think about it maybe the first step is to stop seeing it as anything other than a means to its own form of pleasure. People who get anal orgasms seem to do so without any stimulation of the penis so maybe before combining the two, or expecting anal to just be a sort of 'condiment' for the main event and just be its own thing before I can appreciate both together.