I went 62, I think, days without a penile orgasm. I had plans to try to go a year. Around day 60, I got a PA piercing, in order to pursue a truly inescapable chastity cage. Then LemmyNSFW went down, I learned why, and I didn't think an alternate would be up so quickly (Aside: I'm still getting used to this piefed interface). I fapped the day after getting the PA, thinking that I'd lost the Lemmy/Fedi NSFW communities for the foreseeable future and letting go of the year-long orgasm denial goal.

In the following days/week I had this deeper reinterpretation of my PA piercing: it wasn't just about inescapable chastity, I was figuratively trying to cut off my dick, castrate myself. Maybe I had a 'moment of clarity and honesty' with myself. I asked myself, if you're this eager to emasculate/feminize yourself with chastity, do you want to medically and socially transition to an enby or woman? And my response was something like, "more than anything in this life." I thought about how I don't have many relationships, how I don't do much, how I don't see a point in not drinking and vaping weed all day. I thought about how I'd rather spend time being feminine in private than being masculine socially. I thought that carrying on down this road - compartmentalizing who I want to be from who I present to the world - might all but guarantee me a solitary life this decade, and next, and next... But if I was a woman - I'm pretty sure I'd want to exercise, socialize - make my time count more.

What's happened since then are ongoing conversations with myself about do I want this, what my concerns are, and how I can deal with them. A good amount of reading and educating myself about HRT too. I have an appointment in a few weeks with my family doc, who'll refer me to a gender clinic. I think I'll go through with this, and I think I'll be able to access medically supervised HRT without issue. I feel very fortunate in that regard.