I'm writing a LN!
Hey Bookworms! So... I've sorta been writing my own LN. It's an isekai with some LitRPG elements without turning into spreadsheet porn.
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EIrE-NY4ivUcPvoLtGHfuVZrRXARKiHx/view?usp=sharing
I'm maybe 1/5th of the way done with book one but I'm starting to get those nagging brainworms.
You know, like, "Ugh, what am I even doing. Is anyone even going to enjoy this?"
My IRL friends don't read much and even if they do they don't read isekai and don't understand the tropes (eg. "Hey, why isn't this guy freaking out 24/7 about being in another world?")
So... plz read my book and tell me what you think? uwu
Title is WIP. Most everything else is not, although I might tweak a few things later. And yes, this book cover is AI... I absolutely will NOT use AI for the final version but I wanted something to keep my mind focused.
19 replies
I have read all 64 pages, and actually laughed out loud. After the first page that's quite an achievement.
For anyone coming after me: just read the last chapter. It's actually decent.
This "novel" is excellent exihibit of how humans can improve in their skill. From worst writing I have ever read to better than some published novels I had unpleastness of reading. Keep going as you will go places. Your skill has improved so much that it actually is a shame how bad the chapter 0 is.
In your place I would probably start over, and take a look how to structure a plot with twists and turns. Come up with a hook and first sentence of a book. As they say, that is most important sentence.
I love how sassy the catgirl is.
First, omg, thank you for reading the whole thing. And also for your honest critique.
Yes! Thank you. I feel like a lot of people are just "this is good" because they don't want to be offensive. Honestly, your harsh criticism of the earlier chapters is just what I was looking for. It makes the later praise seem earned instead of just platitudes.
Plus, it gets my head out of my ass a bit and gives me a different perspective. If you feel the later chapters are better then they certainly are better. And if the early chapters are that bad, ouch but yes.
This is actually great advice. And I think I see what I'm doing wrong. I have twists IN MY HEAD. But I think I'm too focused on setting up a big reveal later that I'm falling flat early on. Like, I have pages and pages of worldbuilding notes now and you really only start see that stuff in the latest chapter.
So yeah, thank you so much. I'll give this a hard look, go back, and figure out how to set up the story better.
And mine is "The universe is a prankster." which even I admit is a bit cringe.
Have you considered posting it to royalroad, scribblehub, or a similar site?
I have not. I just started writing and now I'm here. I do eventually want to put it out there but haven't thought that far ahead yet.
Maybe it's the wrong approach but I thought I'd get more written before I posted anywhere. Plus so far I've been going back and making changes to earlier chapters so I'm not sure how that works with sites like you mentioned.
At least on scribble hub you mostly edit spelling and grammar mistakes. Not major plot points.
I have seen a re-write of the whole book, and the old version marked as draft.
The appreciating comments will come on those platforms, so your motivation will be fuelled.
Neat! Sounds like I should definitely check those out.
YES! It's off to a great start. As an overworked office person I relate to the MC. In the scope of a JP novel the MC is from a black company so that fits the standard rubric as well.
Title seems fine to me. I'm used to the far too literal JP novel titles so this is a nice change. We haven't hit the "problems" yet to see where it fits.
Thoughts/Advice from a amateur writer. I used to write stories for fun over a decade ago. I was even tempted to start writing and posting to Amazon before the boom really hit. I might've made it big before the market got saturated after COVID and even worse now after AI slop is everywhere. My focus was fantasy and supernatural writing.
I have a few thoughts on this.
Are you writing a Webnovel, LightNovel or a Novel/Book?
It looks like you're writing a LN first instead of a WN. Writing a book/novel is quite different from writing a WN.
I define a Webnovel as a story written chapter by chapter and released as such. This can be seen as a sort of first draft of a novel in my eyes. A LightNovel is a polished webnovel released as a volume. Edited to it's final form. Things can get added or removed at this point. Plot points can be fixed. Writing quality can be adjusted.
A Novel or Book is written as such from beginning to end and released all at once.
It seems to be you're aiming to write a LightNovel/Novel from the beginning. This isn't a bad thing in any way, but I'd recommend shifting your perspective to writing a web novel. This isn't the final form of the story. You're mainly getting your ideas down and fleshing out the parts that feel fit.
If/when you get writers block (we all do) I'd recommend using the corkboard to flesh out plot points and events you want to happen and arrange them in order. This can give you a "to do list" of things to write out. If you get stuck writing out a scene just work on a different one.
I'll post my thoughts on the story when I have time at a computer again. I'd like to reread the story so it's fresh in my mind.
Writers block:
You can take a step back and work on the outline.
How's the flow of the scenes?
What about far reaching goals or beats you want to get to?
What about laying in foreshadowing for future events?
Got any fun ideas you want to throw in as a filler?
Ex: going to eat at a tavern, shopping for gear, training magic, a chat on character background to flesh things out (Fel or Mr. Evil). The list goes on. Hell. Make a list of ideas for filler. Write them out and put them no where. It's good just to keep your fingers moving when you get motivated. You can throw them in where it fits later or even an after story.
Sorry it took so long to respond but... I do...
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1EIrE-NY4ivUcPvoLtGHfuVZrRXARKiHx/view?usp=sharing
I rewrote a bunch and there's like, 14 chapters or so now? I'll probably post again on the light novels thread but I'm trying to get past a bit of writers block.
Awesome! Can you make an epub? I use screen reader software and those work better than PDFs
The page header title and number at the bottom throws me off listening.
If you're using word or the like you can also use styles to mark headers for new chapters to auto create a table of contents
Absolutely. https://drive.google.com/file/d/13xs56h5h1SgUsMcXck-r3wCzWjLckTHr/view?usp=sharing
As a tech guy that tickled me differently than any other isekai.
I am also a tech guy. I chuckle to myself reading that bit.
Fully caught up now. I got a imperfect workaround for the epub thing.
Need to reread a few times and I'll provide feedback.
Really good so far. Need to compare to previous version to pick out changes. I realize the water scene was tweaked. No more mild citrus bit. I liked that part.
I also like the personality of the system screen. Surprised he didn't name it or call it "system". Feels like it has an ego.
Interesting foreshadowing with the interaction of system in the guild.
Dang, you devoured that. Honestly, I really appreciate the feedback. Whether it's good or bad, it helps. Plus, it's nice to know that people are actually reading my story ^_^
Oh yeah, I ended up completely rewriting the first few chapters. When I took a step back I realized I was just going through the motions and trying to set up some big reveal and totally forgot to make the journey memorable. Worse, I was purposely making my story boring because I wanted it to seem generic until "OMG BIG REVEAL" but... yeah, that made the story really drag. Plus it was a lot of survival stuff when the book isn't really "modern guy has to survive in fantasy world" and more "computer guy stuck in fantasy world with a System that's suspiciously IT-like" but I could definitely see about putting the "tastes mildly of citrus" back. I liked that bit too.
Yeah, I've been trying to keep a distinct personality (or lack thereof) for the System, especially since that's one of the cornerstones of the story. And he usually just calls it "the System" but yeah, maybe giving it a name or just calling it "System" would suit Evan. Like in Reincarnated as a Sword where Teacher calls his system-analog "P.A."
This was one of the fun bits to write because super early iterations had all kinds of stuff, but none of it felt like my story. But once I fleshed out some of the lore of the world, the whole guild scene just came together. And yes, it's absolutely foreshadowing stuff. But more importantly, Evan could've just become a turnip farmer if it wasn't for the sunk-cost. Tragic.
Yes I devour novels. I have full Aphantasia meaning if I watch a anime, read a manga, novel, or web novel it's all the same in my recollection.
I take this is stride and spin it. In my mind I didn't read a read a book. I bindge the first two episodes of a new anime.
I remember Evan as a classic black company MC who's a burnt out programmer with dead eyes and slouches get dropped from the sky into a grassland.
I remember Evan getting frustrated with his inventory, talking to trees, get relieved from finding water, talking to steve, and find relief from seeing Karth. Also getting annoyed at his "Navi".
I remember the gaurd with major SSDD (same shit different day) energy greet Evan. Getting thrown off by the cat-girl and everything else.
The medium doesn't matter to me. My lack of visual recollection allows me to binge hundreds of series as the author intended without all the extra ecchi and fan service bolted on that anime has.
This novel you've shared is like a new fancy donut of a flavour I'd enjoy. I got to have one bite and the donut disappeared.
I'm used to it. Happens all the time. I actually go as far as tracking Japanese and Korean raw we novels and translate them for more content...
You kinda fell off Lemmy 7 months ago so I never sent you my other feedback for v1. I started with general advice and tips before going deep into my review. Not everyone responds well to constructive criticism.
Ch1 vs ch4 was totally different and I was going to recommend you give the intro more effect.
Even without that feedback I feel like you did a great job. I also really like the addition of Steve. Very 'cast away'.
Do you prefer Lemmy for feedback or would you be open to Discord for a more banter friendly platform?
Oh, crazy. I'm probably closer to the exact opposite. I have vivid images in my head, so much so that if I read a novel and then see an adaptation, I'll often be like "who the heck is this person?" because their rendition is different than my mental image I created.
You know, that wasn't my original intention, but it fits extremely well.
That's... actually a pretty awesome compliment. Thanks!
Yeah, sorry about that. I did stop writing for a bit after some of the criticism I received, not because I was dejected but because I wanted to redo what I had written. Honestly, the harshest criticism I got was some of the most useful, and it made me realize I needed to adjust the writing. So the initial feedback I got was "beginning sucks, later chapters are pretty good" so I tried to bring that energy and what I'd learned up to that point to the first few chapters and I like it a lot more.
Related side note, one of my friends had been reading my early drafts and his first feedback was "Eh... maybe I just don't get isekai..." because he wasn't liking it but was trying to be nice about it. But he also couldn't tell me exactly what was wrong. Someone else going "this generic BS right here? That sucks. But this crazy catgirl? Fantastic." So I rewrote a bunch of stuff and then that same friend was like "hey, do you have more chapters?! I'm all caught up!" so I knew I was making good progress.
Steve was an addition when I just let my imagination run wild. I was like "lets be a little silly" and I wrote it in and it worked. And yes, it's definitely a bit Cast Away, especially when Evan gives Steve emotions.
Hmm... I'm open to both. My Discord is @mercuri. Just be sure to say you're Landless from Lemmy because I get a billion random friend requests from people trying to sell me AI art and other BS so I tend to ignore them all.
On a random side note, the epub version actually has the latest WIP chapter. I've rewritten it 3 times already because I know where I want the story to go, but I'm not entirely sure how to get there. But trial and error is one way this stuff works.
Yeah I already read the epub twice. I was thrown back when I saw more chapters.
I thought you took away his magic because I recall v1 had a campfire lighting scene... Yeah. He fucking gets magic.
I'll prep and organize my feedback.