Put your right foot in, take your right foot out. Put your right foot in, and you shake it all
about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about
I've been doing this on a daily basis since I broke my ankle. It's surprisingly challenging.
I was hoping to cover the fact of this up with a factual, innuaden-lavey way to make this funny by the time I was done typing it, but no, today you just learned something about my routine.
All of this is useless if you don't exite her nuber one organ for sex, ger brain. You get muuuch more if you find what's the mood she like what is the scene she wants. This is an extra in comparison.
Look guys all I'm saying is useful to know how to get girls horny but better is ahow go get your girl horny.
(Probably does not really matter whether she does or doesn't)
Using your finger, gently trace lines around the neck, jawline, down to the collar bone, around the breast, along the sternum, follow the bottom of the ribcage, cross to the hip... you get the idea.
Ideally, be somewhat unpredictable, teasing, double back a few times, mix things up ... labor or modulate the instensity of your own breath a bit.
Pay attention to her own breath modulations, her twitches or squirms.
Also obviously works better with lighter, or no clothing.
Think of this as maybe drawing arcane runes, casting a spell... tell a slightly different story every time.
Remember the wise word of Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Antici-
.
..
...
-pation.
If done correctly, the uh 'slipper'... should be extremely eager to meet you by the time you get to it.
I... have known a single couple, both of whom told me, separately, that they enjoyed, and I should try... 'donkey punching' ... which is apparently smacking the uh, 'recipient', in the back of the head, right as climax is about to occur, because apparently this causes a more intense contraction/climax.
Personally, that sounds completely fucking insane to me, but apparently, different strokes for different folks?
That would need at lot of communication and safety to both see if someone or somemany is/are okay with it and to make sure it doesn't result in severe damage.
Don't just do it without asking and making sure to practise gently first, and set up other safety precautions, readers of this thread.
Hence why my opinion of being told about that was 'that sounds completely fucking insane'.
Like... fuck, man.
Yeah, beyond the rather obvious 'never even consider this without enthusiastic consent'...
You probably should just never do this.
I know people can be and are into varying kinds and degrees of pain during the hanky panky... BUT...
It would extremely easy for someone of... really just average strength for an average young male athlete... to punch someone, in the back of the head or upper neck... with enough force that you could cause serious brain damage, break their neck, fuck them up for life, potentially even kill them.
Like if you can't tell, I'm more into the sensual stuff in the bedroom, maybe a bit of consented restraint...
... but I also have a black belt. Took over a decade to earn, been in a lot of kumite bouts, competed in several tournaments, watched a few more talented karetekas from my dojo go on to place in the top 3s of regional, national, international tournaments.
And ... this idea terrifies me, any real martial arts competition I have ever even heard of would disqualify you from the match, and probably ban you for life for intentionally punching someone in the back of the head.
Yeah, we have done some rough stuff before, but we wouldn't do this.
There are just some things, even with RACK that cannot be safe and personally we don't think they should be done at all.
Such things like choking even aren't really safe and we definitely don't really do them in our play and never would for real, we might fake choke where we never squeeze.
But yeah, pretty much, really try to avoid situations where harm could actually be done irreparably, and always have tools, methods, safe words and signs etc on hand.
Doing any kink, or sex without those things is not great. Not getting at you btw, just explaining things to any readers of this thread, safety first in any intimacy, but especially mental and physical intimacy.
I dunno, I feel like recommending teeth in any discussion about oral techniques is a recipe for disaster. Moves like that should be reserved for venerated professionals.
Yeah, no. I knew I could end up biting through if I actually bit it as hard as I could. When I said I eat pussy, I wasn't being literal. So there's at least 1 person I know for sure I have been with but didn't satisfy.
But not too much. It can get overstimulated if you lift the hood and lick directly. When in doubt, you can hand her the reigns so she can find the sweet spot. For example, if you apply a wide and flat tongue and reduce movement, she can work her hips until she finds the angles she needs.
Honestly, me and wife on that one. Sure we've tried it but neither of us really enjoyed it. So we haven't done it again...doesn't stop me from making the jokes though.
I kind of made a dumb image in my head that isn't physically possible but the motion indicators in the image made me imagine a guy with his dong already in and he's somehow spinning while connected. It's funnier in my head, I promise.
What's hilarious about this meme is that Konami delivered the code that unlock these secrets over 30 years ago. Up up, down down, left right, left right, B A B A, start.
When I saw the first two steps, I initially thought it was a guide for opening pills. I was like, "I wonder what hey will do with the powder inside... hold on, this isn't a pill".
The alphabet is good advice, but more for finding the right "letter" for your partner and—this is crucial—sticking to it unless it stops working (sometimes things just shift and you gotta adapt).
(edit oh yeah, you got to realise the person is looking for information from their relatives who then directs them to the library — because it's the 90's)
Better yet, ask them what feels good, and establish communication of pleasure. Your partner, regardless of genitals, will have a better time, and so will you!
I don't even need to watch this to know exactly what this is. Motherfucker gave the best advice in the universe 30 years ago and it has improved my technique 1,000%.
I know it's not the video(s) I'm thinking of, because that wouldn't be on YouTube... But there's one or two educational "porn" videos that were so fucking helpful for me.
One about giving oral in general, and another specifically about hitting the g-spot. That shit got me laid quite a bit in my 20s lol
My dumbass thought it was a slipper at first.
Oh. Ohhhh
Also works for slippers.
I thought it was this:
Put your right foot in, take your right foot out. Put your right foot in, and you shake it all about. Do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, that’s what it’s all about
Dancing in your slippers, right?
RIGHT?
First, keep your left foot firmly planted! Cock your right foot up like you've seen Michael Jackson do.
Next, spin your left foot around 360 degrees while jiggling your right foot like your heater's on the fritz!
Ditto. The comments enlightened me.
Thank you.
Huh? I just see a bunch of blue arrows on a blank yellowish square.
Its gotta be somewhere…
Step 1: inspect
Step 2: push hood up
Step 3: rotate clitoris counterclockwise 360 degrees
Step 4: spin clitoris around central axis left and right.
Congratulations! You spawned the Hydra in GTA:SA
Open the maintainance hatch, unscrew the old clitoris and swap it out for a new one.
Might as well check the oil while you are at it
Up up down down left right left right B A B A
step 1: bop it
step 2: twist it
step 3: pull it
step 4: find a new partner
For more information check the (wo)man page clit(1)
Or the Arch Wiki
If the mouse isn't going anywhere, either adjust the sensitivity or buy a new nub
quick cheap option is my shameless self insert post here:
https://lemmy.world/post/34593380
(Oh wait... you were talking about that other clit???)
my dumbass trying to figure out why you'd want to rotate your house slippers:
(this is why I'm single isn't it)
Yeah, same. I chalked it up to the homosexuality, but I'm not sure after reading some of the comments.
i have the lesbian flavor of homosexuality you'd think that'd help me realize lol
I showed it to my brother who's flavored straight vanilla and he didn't get it, either. I'm glad to know we're not alone. Lol.
The real cheat sheet:
Was doing this on an old girlfriend and she busted out laughing her ass off. WTF?! The guy before me gave her our secrets!
Or she has another girl secret.
Nah, that motherfucker let out even more secrets. And she told me!
One time I fingered her a bit, but my hands up and head her head to kiss her. Laughing her ass off again!
"You're just checking if it's safe to go down there!"
Her ex was a traitor to all mankind.
But my hands up and head her head to kiss her.
Wat
You mean you don't know the classic hands up and head her head to kiss her move?
Previous was from a culture with a caligraphic languange.
Ok I’m gonna try hiragana and katakana one day…
"you forgot the R, you halfwit!"
Remember though, capital letters. Don't dot the i.
Jeremy Bearimy?
...also j
Lowercase j takes you down to the taint
Wherefore?
I've been doing this on a daily basis since I broke my ankle. It's surprisingly challenging.
I was hoping to cover the fact of this up with a factual, innuaden-lavey way to make this funny by the time I was done typing it, but no, today you just learned something about my routine.
Nice moves!
I can't help thinking the Cyrillic alphabet would be better suited, though. BRB, have some research to do.
All of this is useless if you don't exite her nuber one organ for sex, ger brain. You get muuuch more if you find what's the mood she like what is the scene she wants. This is an extra in comparison.
Look guys all I'm saying is useful to know how to get girls horny but better is ahow go get your girl horny.
Do I reach in through the nose or ears?
If you ask Walter Freeman he’d tell you to go through the eye
Both, preferably
Neither.
Ask her to close her eyes.
(Probably does not really matter whether she does or doesn't)
Using your finger, gently trace lines around the neck, jawline, down to the collar bone, around the breast, along the sternum, follow the bottom of the ribcage, cross to the hip... you get the idea.
Ideally, be somewhat unpredictable, teasing, double back a few times, mix things up ... labor or modulate the instensity of your own breath a bit.
Pay attention to her own breath modulations, her twitches or squirms.
Also obviously works better with lighter, or no clothing.
Think of this as maybe drawing arcane runes, casting a spell... tell a slightly different story every time.
Remember the wise word of Dr. Frank-N-Furter.
Antici-
.
..
...
-pation.
If done correctly, the uh 'slipper'... should be extremely eager to meet you by the time you get to it.
Incorrect.
What you need to do is just start violently punching the wall while screaming racial slurs with a plunger up your ass. Sploosh.
I... have known a single couple, both of whom told me, separately, that they enjoyed, and I should try... 'donkey punching' ... which is apparently smacking the uh, 'recipient', in the back of the head, right as climax is about to occur, because apparently this causes a more intense contraction/climax.
Personally, that sounds completely fucking insane to me, but apparently, different strokes for different folks?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donkey_punch
That would need at lot of communication and safety to both see if someone or somemany is/are okay with it and to make sure it doesn't result in severe damage.
Don't just do it without asking and making sure to practise gently first, and set up other safety precautions, readers of this thread.
Hence why my opinion of being told about that was 'that sounds completely fucking insane'.
Like... fuck, man.
Yeah, beyond the rather obvious 'never even consider this without enthusiastic consent'...
You probably should just never do this.
I know people can be and are into varying kinds and degrees of pain during the hanky panky... BUT...
It would extremely easy for someone of... really just average strength for an average young male athlete... to punch someone, in the back of the head or upper neck... with enough force that you could cause serious brain damage, break their neck, fuck them up for life, potentially even kill them.
Like if you can't tell, I'm more into the sensual stuff in the bedroom, maybe a bit of consented restraint...
... but I also have a black belt. Took over a decade to earn, been in a lot of kumite bouts, competed in several tournaments, watched a few more talented karetekas from my dojo go on to place in the top 3s of regional, national, international tournaments.
And ... this idea terrifies me, any real martial arts competition I have ever even heard of would disqualify you from the match, and probably ban you for life for intentionally punching someone in the back of the head.
Its way too fucking dangerous.
Yeah, we have done some rough stuff before, but we wouldn't do this.
There are just some things, even with RACK that cannot be safe and personally we don't think they should be done at all.
Such things like choking even aren't really safe and we definitely don't really do them in our play and never would for real, we might fake choke where we never squeeze.
But yeah, pretty much, really try to avoid situations where harm could actually be done irreparably, and always have tools, methods, safe words and signs etc on hand.
Doing any kink, or sex without those things is not great. Not getting at you btw, just explaining things to any readers of this thread, safety first in any intimacy, but especially mental and physical intimacy.
You need to go to the hospital right now. You're having an aneurysm
Bro... Are you ok?
Her nuber one organ for sex: ger brain.
minor spelling mistake
But brains are so icky!
I spent way to much time thinking that was a pink slipper. The first two made sense but then I was lost.
Ditto, I figured it was one of those dance step guides.
"They said I could become anything, so I became everything."
Kind of is.
I saw loss before I saw anything else, I seriously need to touch grass
When you do that, you'll feel like you're recreating the steps of loss, one panel at a time
Bursting through the doors OUTSIDE in a panic.
Looking at some random shocked person pointing toward the park.
Rushing to the park to see grass.
Sobbing uncontrollably feeling all the grass.
(I'm doing this joke from memory instead of looking up the original comic for reference lol)
They do not enjoy when you blow a raspberry onto it, however.
Sucking only. No blowing. Do not reverse the polarity.
I've had several positive feedbacks when sliding it between front teeth and tongue. Not to be done immediately, but after she gets going a bit.
Be careful of course. And remember to check your teeth for hair afterwards.
I dunno if I'd be recommending teeth all willy-nilly to potential first time spelunkers...
Didn't seem willy-nilly
Yeah, its more teethy-weethy
I dunno, I feel like recommending teeth in any discussion about oral techniques is a recipe for disaster. Moves like that should be reserved for venerated professionals.
How do you get professional without trying.
Oh, that's right, you practice on the banana.
Yeah teeth is a pro move only
What a strange diagram of some slippers.
I thought way to long about slippers.
What am I looking at?
Behold a man
Clitoris
Ok good, my brain was trying to convince me this was a sneaky Loss
I thought it was a way to fix a slipper...
I've been shopping for new warm slippers since it's going to get colder.
How did multiple people think that? I thought it was for animating cartoon eyes.
Joycon drift.
I was once with a girl who wanted me to literally bite hers as hard as I could. 😵💫
CHEW ON THAT THANG
I thought it was more of a catchphrase than an actual technique. Angangangang
The human jaw is easily able to bite through soft flesh, so I hope you didn't...
Yeah, no. I knew I could end up biting through if I actually bit it as hard as I could. When I said I eat pussy, I wasn't being literal. So there's at least 1 person I know for sure I have been with but didn't satisfy.
Pretty sure whatever you did was more satisfying than biting it off.
But not too much. It can get overstimulated if you lift the hood and lick directly. When in doubt, you can hand her the reigns so she can find the sweet spot. For example, if you apply a wide and flat tongue and reduce movement, she can work her hips until she finds the angles she needs.
Oh, that's what that was...
She still does not like it.
Some women just don't enjoy receiving oral. Not when it is done wrong, not at all.
Also some men don't enjoy blowjobs.
Imagine a life in which 69 is just a number.
I imagine this in the style of the narrator at the beginning of a Twilight Zone episode.
Rod Serling, put some respec on his name.
That wouldn't be nice
Honestly, me and wife on that one. Sure we've tried it but neither of us really enjoyed it. So we haven't done it again...doesn't stop me from making the jokes though.
I'll do whatever to get pussy on my face, women still embarrassed when doing it for some reason.
IT'S WHAT I CRAVE, IT'S PERFECT, JUST GO WITH THE FLOW.
eh, we'd rather give our full attention to each other than compete
That explains what the arrows are for then. They seem quite misleading, I thought it was some sort of advice for animations until reading comments.
I thought it was for the finger.
If you’re only using a finger, you’re doing it wrong.
Pretty sure I got myself one of those.
Hmu let's find out together
Don't know what to think of this honestly.
Just do it.
How do I hit them up though?
Dude your the Wizard Pope, you could steal my nose while I sleep, I just could ignore brain waves due to some nasty pasty things....
You will find a way!
Generally an upward strike is better placed on the jaw, that's an immediate knock out for many
Okay let's do it.
Took me a minute to figure out what this was. If I ever hook up with a man that has one, I'll put this info to good use.
I kind of made a dumb image in my head that isn't physically possible but the motion indicators in the image made me imagine a guy with his dong already in and he's somehow spinning while connected. It's funnier in my head, I promise.
I can see into his head, it's pretty funny.
🚁🚁
"You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby..."
Explain
Clitoral stimulation
What's hilarious about this meme is that Konami delivered the code that unlock these secrets over 30 years ago. Up up, down down, left right, left right, B A B A, start.
LMFAO, I'm pitching doing all those moves then pushing the clit like it's a starter button. Which I suppose it kinda is.
Why is she standing in front of a blank sheet of paper?
When I saw the first two steps, I initially thought it was a guide for opening pills. I was like, "I wonder what hey will do with the powder inside... hold on, this isn't a pill".
My brain immediately skipped to that episode of Friends where Monica learns that Chandler got advice from Joey about licking the alphabet.
The alphabet is good advice, but more for finding the right "letter" for your partner and—this is crucial—sticking to it unless it stops working (sometimes things just shift and you gotta adapt).
I'll never know, but I trust your judgement xD
I do hexadecimal but the principle is the same.
American Pie (1999) Sex Bible
(edit oh yeah, you got to realise the person is looking for information from their relatives who then directs them to the library — because it's the 90's)
Better yet, ask them what feels good, and establish communication of pleasure. Your partner, regardless of genitals, will have a better time, and so will you!
That only works if they actually answer. Sometimes it's just easier to gauge reactions.
Sometimes they can't talk coherently *wink wink*
Peter?
clit.
Info guide on how to lick a clit. Top is the clitoral hood, bottom is the clit itself
i thought it was about hour up make slippers fit. amazed how far I was.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7790iQ6a4Q
I don't even need to watch this to know exactly what this is. Motherfucker gave the best advice in the universe 30 years ago and it has improved my technique 1,000%.
I know it's not the video(s) I'm thinking of, because that wouldn't be on YouTube... But there's one or two educational "porn" videos that were so fucking helpful for me.
One about giving oral in general, and another specifically about hitting the g-spot. That shit got me laid quite a bit in my 20s lol
I wonder if he ever got to realize that his lasting contribution to humanity was going to be improving the sex lives of several entire generations.
Is it Robin Williams?
Sam Kinison.
"the move" from Seinfeld finally revealed. But you are supposed to end with a swirl.
What kind of animal just does counter clockwise.