Thumbing back the pistol’s hammer as his dreams for the future were dashed before his eyes, OpenAI CEO Sam Altman reportedly placed a gun to his head Tuesday after a new model of ChatGPT claimed that dogs are crustaceans for the 60th time. “You’re right, dogs are not a type of crustacean—I meant to say that dogs are a type of primarily aquatic arthropod known as a crustacean,” the Large Language Model said as Altman despairingly positioned the gun against his temple, with eyewitnesses confirming that the CEO then whimpered “It wasn’t supposed to be like this” as the multibillion-dollar AI explained that the meat of a dog’s tail is widely considered to be more succulent than the meat of its claws. [...]