Dear Daughter,

I know it's been a very long time since I've written to you. Things had seemed to go well between us and I was having some peace in my life.

I realized that doesn't always last forever and there are people that always want to bring you down in some way.

I want to share something important with you, not to worry you, but to help you understand things that can sometimes be confusing when you're dealing with certain people.

There’s something called Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD. It’s not about someone liking themselves too much or taking too many selfies. It’s something deeper that affects how a person sees the world, how they treat others, and how they handle emotions and relationships.

People with strong narcissistic traits with NPD often:

• Believe they are always right, and rarely take responsibility for their actions.
• Get angry or defensive when others express feelings or needs.
• Try to control others by using guilt, blame, or fear.
• Want attention, praise, or control more than connection or truth.
• Act one way in public and a very different way in private.
• Twist facts or leave out parts of the truth to protect their image.
• Use gaslighting, which means they make you doubt your own memory or feelings.

These behaviors can be very confusing, especially when the person is someone close to you or someone who says they love you. You might notice:

• You feel drained or unsure of yourself after talking to them.
• You feel like you’re always the problem, even when you’re not.
• You feel pressure to keep them happy, at the expense of your own peace.
• You’re constantly second-guessing your own feelings or experiences.

People with NPD often exhibit a predictable set of behaviors and patterns that are typical manipulative, self-serving and emotionally damaging to those around them., espeicially in close relationships like parenting or co-parenting. Some other behaviors that you might notice from an individual that has narcissistic personality disorder:

Grandiosity

• Exaggerated sense of self-importance
• Believes they are unique or superior to others
• Needs constant admiration

Lack of Empathy

• Cannot truly understand or care about how others feel
• May fake empathy when it serves their image, but it's shallow

Entitlement

• Expects special treatment and obedience without earning it
• Breaks rules but gets angry when others don’t follow theirs

Exploitation

• Uses others to achieve personal goals
• Relationships are transactional, they take, but rarely give without strings attached

WHAT THEY DO:

1. Gaslighting

• Making you doubt your own memory or perception (“That never happened,” “You’re too sensitive”)
• Over time, this erodes your trust in yourself

2. Love-Bombing / Devaluation / Discard Cycle

• Over-the-top affection and charm (love-bombing)
• Followed by criticism, neglect, or emotional withdrawal (devaluation)
• When they lose interest or control, they ghost or sabotage you (discard)

3. Triangulation

• Bringing a third person into the conflict to manipulate or control the target (e.g., “Even [so-and-so] thinks you’re the problem”)
• In family systems, this often means turning a child against the other parent

4. Projection

• Accusing others of the very things they are doing (e.g., “You’re selfish,” “You’re lying”)
• It’s a defense mechanism to avoid looking at their own behavior

5. Smear Campaigns

• Telling others distorted or false stories to damage someone’s reputation, often done when you start setting boundaries

6. Hoovering

• After pushing someone away, they may suddenly try to “suck” them back in with guilt or harassment
• It’s rarely about change, just regaining control

7. Narcissistic Passive Rage

• Silent treatment
• Withholding affection, attention or help
• Sarcastic jabs, stonewalling, passive aggressive behavior

If any of this ever feels familiar, I want you to know: you are not alone. And more importantly, you are not the problem.

You deserve to feel safe in your relationships, not confused, scared, or silenced. Love shouldn’t feel like walking on eggshells. It should feel stable, honest, and respectful.

You never have to tolerate being made to feel small, guilty, or like your voice doesn’t matter. If something doesn’t feel right, you can always trust your instincts and talk to someone safe, me, a trusted adult, or even a counselor. What matters most to me is that you feel protected, supported, and empowered to recognize what is healthy and what is not.

I love you deeply, and I trust your heart and your strength. You are growing into someone smart, strong, and aware—and I’ll always be here to help you make sense of things, no matter how complicated they get.

I have decades of good advice that I know you don't wish to hear from me. I can only say that I wish my parents shared more with me on what to expect from this life. Your Dad had to deal with this for a very long time and to know someone like this has been devastating to my life. It has created problems in my other relationships, and has created a tol on my health. It has drained me financially. I just want to help you avoid people like this in the future, so you can have a happy life.

Love always,
Your Dad