[vent] My life has become so chaotic
Hi ! I don't often make posts but I thought about making one here because I feel like sharing what's on my chest.
I'm 27, I started HRT almost 4 months ago, and there is no denying that this was the best decision I took. Sadly, because of that, my life has become so chaotic.
Around 6y ago I met a girl I thought I would spend a lifetime with. I moved in Switzerland (originally from Belgium) after long distance relationship. With her I felt invincible. We broke up a few months ago, shortly after I realised I was trans.
The breakup, the dysphoria, having to look for a roommate, and I'm far from family ... That broke me.
Today I'm doing better. I'm still healing from the breakup, I get panic attacks from dysphoria but I can handle it, and I have a sweet roommate.
I'm currently looking for a new job where I can present at my true self and would like to find love again. Those are my current goals.
Afterall, my life is not bad at all. I have many friends who support me. My lovely family is a bit far away but we chat very often over the phone. And yet I feel exhausted, lonely, unmotivated. I want to find stability again, this feeling of being invincible.
Props to you for choosing being yourself even though it's hard!
My coming out was pretty messy too. I can only tell you that it gets better. You already have a good social safety net from what I can understand on your post, but I would recommend too that if you don't have already, start making new IRL trans friends. They are sure to help you navigate this moment.
Thank-you for your feedback! I have made some trans friends, I learn a lot from them.
It looks like you have a healthy mindset! You're able to view this pretty objectively. And most of it isn't even a trans-exclusive issue, just normal life crap. Feeling a little defeated right now is fine, you'll get past it.
Good luck out there!
You're probably right. It's mainly life crap and I tend to focus too much on the negative. Life's not bad afterall.
Concerning my transition, I wish I could be seen as a woman by all but it's simply too early, so I wait, and I'm sure that one day someone I don't know will say "ma'am" to me.
Thank you for your kind message.
Yeah, 4 months of HRT is just starting. Keep your chin up!
I honestly had something very similar happen timing wise. A breakup that coincided with me starting hrt. It was a rough combo, but similarly finding roommates that I trust with my whole self has helped a ton.