::: spoiler mental health stuff - working stuff out by writing....
I had a lovely day out with friends but struggled to get any enjoyment out of it, and to focus on the moment (very brainfoggy). Made me realise I'm further down the depression path then I thought. I've had a few big stressful things going on that have made me anxious and down. But it's gone beyond external - haven't felt this disconnected and ...grey... for a long time.
I came home and went straight to bed - just felt completely overwhelmed. Have managed to make dinner finally by putting on a podcast for company. And that's rice and dal so I'll get lunch out of it too. I need to plan out my work week - it's busy and I like to get ahead of it on sunday but I'm just burned. No I can't realistically take a mental health day or three right now either (for reasons, trust me)
So. this week I will:
Eat breakfast and lunch and at least a light dinner. I can boil an egg if needed
Sleep by 10pm and I will be out of bed by 6:30. If I can, go for a walk. If not, just stand outside for a few moments.
keep cutting back on sugar and lay off the alcohol for the week - neither help
Take meds and add in a multivitamin (I have a half a container I bought when I was getting over the flu).
god, that sounds exhausting. And I need to realise it is exhausting - so I will use my 'spoons' for food, washing, sleeping, moving. And the work I have to do. That's going to be it this week.
I'm going to post here to try to keep track. Hopefully it's just from stress/burnout and I can get back out of the hole with a couple of weeks of care.
:::
I might join you... I'm pretty good with having breakfast/dinner after 20 years of being inconsistent with either. But I have a habit of coming home from work, eating dinner on the couch and then not moving from there until I go to bed. I have almost no friends in Melbourne so I spend my weekends doing much the same.
I hate when I come across shit like calculators. They still work, can't give them away, can't throw them out, already have 4 scientific calculators kicking around. I have no problem throwing broken shit out but when they still work I just can't do it as easy.
The last dose was given last night. No more horrible narnies! 🍌 Hopefully no more wrestling Melbcat either. Fingers crossed her tummy will settle down soon.
Edit: Switched up the food a little. Springwater tuna and tuna juice has been eaten! So she’s had her regular meds without a fight. Little legend.
I’ve been buying the fragrance free Coles laundry sauce and it’s okay (finding an unscented generic product is kind of like finding a unicorn) but I still prefer the Aldi version because it has enzymes. I hope I can get the chance to stock up.
All of the above! Plus snacks are tasty, it’s a reason to have a break, and can focus better if not feeling hungry. Might try having a smaller lunch and healthy snacks, which might balance it out rather than trying to eliminate the snacks.
The Melb city ebook library is a bit lacking. I’d love to get physical books but they are too heavy to carry home ( hot desk - have to bring my entire life back and forth)
Fun fact: public libraries across Victoria get State government funding as well as local, so membership is open to anyone with a Victorian address. And most if them let you join online without going in.
There are 50 Vic library services, join a few or all of them and get all the sweet ebooks you want. Some have heaps, some not many, somebody will probably have what you want.
This! I have City of Melbourne and Yarra Libraries. Usually there is something between the two, though I do still find them limiting if you’re after particular authors.
The selection is probably down now but if you’re into public domain classics the Internet Archive might have something for you. Also Libby and whatever other one - Hoopla?
You can also have multiple library cards to check their offerings.
I was investigating this when I got my Kobo. I found the eastern libraries had the largest selection. You can make an account online and you don't need to go in for ebooks https://www.yourlibrary.com.au/
Back home and defrosted after a lot of cold, cold, cold, and cold. It was good to have a solid weekend away and with different people doing stuff I never would've done myself, partly because it makes me redevelop an appreciation for being at home again. I definitely feel like I got away properly and cleared some of the cobwebs in my head.
It was so cold this weekend. I reckon it’s nice to go away, because then you really appreciate coming home again (particularly if you’ve cleaned the house before you left)
Absolutely! We all need a good reset every so often, I forget how to do this. And to your point I am SO glad I cleaned the house before I left, even though it was really tough to squeeze it in... Felt so luxe coming back to a tidy house, sparkling kitchen, clean floors, neat bed...
Joining the Odd Sleep club - kept on stirring awake every hour or so, with weird dreams the last couple of times.
The one that did me in the end was dreaming I went to a once off client (I work in aged care) and first of all the car wouldn't move and I was somehow blocking both lanes, then when I got there the client thought he was having heart problems and we agreed we'd wait and see what happened and yeah, if he wanted to finish his electronics project go for it, it'd soothe him whereas I know damned well from first aid training and personal experience that when in doubt you Call The Fucking Ambulance. So basically I couldn't get back to sleep for going WTAF, plus the cats both using my shoulders as pillows.
Eventually got up and turned on the heater because my face was freezing - took a while for the cats to figure it out but now Zooks is on my lap on the couch. Sammi is probably being a mini-potat in the bed
Watching Spy but randomly skipping parts of the start because i want o love melissa mccarthy but there's only so much 'woman does stupid clumsy things and accepts being treated as lesser by overtly misogynistic farps' i can stand before i try to leap through the tv and attack her and i'm already close to the limit because miranda hart is in this too. Also still running a fever so relaity is trnous.
There’s either the one dimensional girlboss who’s basically a male action hero with boobs and anything less than that is to be aggressively looked down on… or there’s the bumbling Bridget Jones everywoman who’s supposed to be relatable.
It's just for the movie, they have to make it all extreme so the change is much more dramatic.
But it doesn't ring true. The type of woman who would work in such a place would already be unorthodox and care little for social expectations regarding gender roles. She would have a strong character that doesn't care much what people say or think so there is no way she would put up with crap for long.
I’m remembering how I was working hard on skincare and health before the lockdowns… it feels like I lost all that and now have to start again from the bottom.
Just filled the green bin with the grass that's sprouted in the flower beds, and haven't even touched the back section around the lemon tree or the front.
(So I <3 you Mlem, but you keep crashing or not opening.)
I have returned on Voyager. It’s look on iPad is meh, but who am I to complain.
I also now have a dirty little secret. I finally tried CGPT today. It didn’t do the particular thing I wanted it to do, but it was interesting nonetheless. I’ve been reading some interesting comments on people replacing therapy with it and claims of better results with it and the image version than hired agencies. That’s a scary thought, but I guess it really highlights language and literal vs interpretation. Guess being a prompt engineer really is a thing.
Warning, strange dream stuff in a wall of text below.
In other wild news on the channel that is my brain. Holy hell. The dream/s I awoke from the morning I think just highlights some stress level at an all time high. My dream was such an insane jumble of scenarios saying it out aloud was just so bizarre. I do get a lot of jump/cut scenes in my dreams. So that bit isn’t unusual.
dream redacted
Then I wake up.
So I used to tell these weird dreams to my friend when I was in primary and her father used to always say I was fibbing. LOL.
If I could ever write this stuff, I’d be a modern day Kafka. Hahahahah.
I don't believe that. I think dreams are just little snippets of real life and fiction trying to tell a story in your most relaxed state. They don't mean anything because they're not real.
Vinyl finds today are a recording of the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, the guys Bugs Bunny plays with. I have 4 of their records now, it's just like famous tunes and greatest classical hits but nicely done and a box set of Rusalka by Dvorak too. Last week I got a box set of The Merchant of Venice and over the next week I'll be playing all my Shakespeare records. :)
But mainly I took another bag of stuff to the opshop. 👍
Shortly after I took this photo I said "hey, what are you upto chunky?"
And the incredibly angry meow I got back in return put me in my place lol
That's a mini tiger in there 🐅
Most work I’ve ever done for a bunch of flowers 😜
Their rose design is evolving!
Yes! I think additions will be necessary
They are very interesting.
Did Tom take the bait?
I posted a comment in the wrong spot. All flowers are beautiful no matter what they're made of
::: spoiler mental health stuff - working stuff out by writing....
I had a lovely day out with friends but struggled to get any enjoyment out of it, and to focus on the moment (very brainfoggy). Made me realise I'm further down the depression path then I thought. I've had a few big stressful things going on that have made me anxious and down. But it's gone beyond external - haven't felt this disconnected and ...grey... for a long time.
I came home and went straight to bed - just felt completely overwhelmed. Have managed to make dinner finally by putting on a podcast for company. And that's rice and dal so I'll get lunch out of it too. I need to plan out my work week - it's busy and I like to get ahead of it on sunday but I'm just burned. No I can't realistically take a mental health day or three right now either (for reasons, trust me)
So. this week I will:
god, that sounds exhausting. And I need to realise it is exhausting - so I will use my 'spoons' for food, washing, sleeping, moving. And the work I have to do. That's going to be it this week.
I'm going to post here to try to keep track. Hopefully it's just from stress/burnout and I can get back out of the hole with a couple of weeks of care. :::
I might join you... I'm pretty good with having breakfast/dinner after 20 years of being inconsistent with either. But I have a habit of coming home from work, eating dinner on the couch and then not moving from there until I go to bed. I have almost no friends in Melbourne so I spend my weekends doing much the same.
You've got this! 🙂
so many hugs
you can post here anytime, we are all here for you 😘
Thanks mate.
Hopefully you have enough spoons to get back on track. I'm cheering you on!
❤️ having little sancuaries of friendliness on the internets makes a big difference. thanks
Right there with you. Every small act of self care adds up
I'm joining you with the getting up on time bit. I notice I've been feeling quite empty lately, most probably due to list of life events.
I hate when I come across shit like calculators. They still work, can't give them away, can't throw them out, already have 4 scientific calculators kicking around. I have no problem throwing broken shit out but when they still work I just can't do it as easy.
TI-83 plus represent.
I remember running some version of Mario bros on mine lol
https://ltfoundation.com.au/our-services/back-to-school-2/
I still have my old calculator from years and years ago. It was really expensive at the time. I suppose it's a keep sake in a way.
Kooka's Country Cookies are the best cookies. No other compares to the greatness of Kooka's.
These taste best when acquired from your motel room's complimentary coffee/tea bar.
Fully agree. Lemon is the bomb for me.
Yesss, love them. A packet of choc raspberry or lemon biscuits does not last even one day at my house lol
The lemons one are nice. Think I’m going to buy some this week.
oh yes, they are very very delicious. I'm still not buying any.
The lemon ones have me drooling like Homer Simpson.
They are delicious. For some reason, in the rare occasion I stay in a motel they always seem to have them in the ‘tea & coffee’ box
Gentle house cleaning and chin tucks. Multivitamin.
I really need to start doing a small amount of dumbbell rows each day again, wtf is this posture
Ooh, good idea, thank you.
https://youtu.be/F_HoMkkRHv8?si=12OFY6fzB2KWsKk9
The last dose was given last night. No more horrible narnies! 🍌 Hopefully no more wrestling Melbcat either. Fingers crossed her tummy will settle down soon.
Edit: Switched up the food a little. Springwater tuna and tuna juice has been eaten! So she’s had her regular meds without a fight. Little legend.
I’ve been buying the fragrance free Coles laundry sauce and it’s okay (finding an unscented generic product is kind of like finding a unicorn) but I still prefer the Aldi version because it has enzymes. I hope I can get the chance to stock up.
I'm making kofta for dinner.
I can no longer tolerate tuna pasta. I can eat the same thing for months, but it does eventually get old lol
Lamb?
Definitely
Yummo!
Have you ever made Arayes?
Or Hawawshi same same different
The good thing about these is you can freeze them.
Great ideas!
Wrap the tuna in filo, bake and smother in lemon juice
Trying to get used to Affinity products and getting a little frustrated. Adobe is the devil but boy-howdy do I know my way around those apps.
We just went to the La Trobe market. You can't best a good old school market with the guy at the fruit and vegetable stall constantly shouting
How are we doing no snacks after dinner gang?
Remember it doesn't have to go perfectly all the time. If you're hungry eat. If not, leave those snacks for when you are hungry. You've got this!
Failed. I did it the other way around. Ate snacks then dinner.
Snack was half a block of dark chocolate.
You did not fail because there is no pass or fail here. Get back on the horse because there is always a tomorrow.
I don’t really have a goal but I have noticed I was eating too much after dinner.
I’ll probably have some fruit later for dessert.
That's what I noticed about myself and I wasn't even hungry.
I found I have much more energy the next day when I don't snack before bed. That could just be me though.
i've been doing snacks as dinner, but at least it's nut mix with green peas
You are very good at looking after everyone here no matter how weird their meal plans are. You make sure you look after you, ok.
Yes ma’am 🫡
Look not great, but when I saw your comment I put the block of chocolate away. Small steps.
I don't know what to say to that. A part of me is proud of you. A part of me is apologetic.
After dinner no problem. It’s the mid afternoon snacks that are my downfall.
Are you snacking because you're hungry or because you're bored or out of habit?
All of the above! Plus snacks are tasty, it’s a reason to have a break, and can focus better if not feeling hungry. Might try having a smaller lunch and healthy snacks, which might balance it out rather than trying to eliminate the snacks.
I think you've got the solution there but gee it's the perfect time for a donut and a cuppa.
I've been doing ok. No bad food snacks. Had a plain bun with coffee for afternoon tea.
You've done good. Let's hope for better weather so we can all get a bit more Vitamin Delirium and exercise.
The Melb city ebook library is a bit lacking. I’d love to get physical books but they are too heavy to carry home ( hot desk - have to bring my entire life back and forth)
Fun fact: public libraries across Victoria get State government funding as well as local, so membership is open to anyone with a Victorian address. And most if them let you join online without going in.
There are 50 Vic library services, join a few or all of them and get all the sweet ebooks you want. Some have heaps, some not many, somebody will probably have what you want.
This! I have City of Melbourne and Yarra Libraries. Usually there is something between the two, though I do still find them limiting if you’re after particular authors.
Libgen.is
For all your ebook needs.
This and annas-archive.org 👍
Didn't know about this one. Thank you!
The selection is probably down now but if you’re into public domain classics the Internet Archive might have something for you. Also Libby and whatever other one - Hoopla?
You can also have multiple library cards to check their offerings.
I’ve been too lazy to sort any of this myself 🙃
I was investigating this when I got my Kobo. I found the eastern libraries had the largest selection. You can make an account online and you don't need to go in for ebooks https://www.yourlibrary.com.au/
quiz
15/50 - candy - who knew?
35/50
Who knew lollies caused violence?
Might be correlation not causation, but you gotta wonder.
30/50 . meh
Pwoah, 45/50
Pwoah indeed.
25!!!
40 for me this week. Not bad
Back home and defrosted after a lot of cold, cold, cold, and cold. It was good to have a solid weekend away and with different people doing stuff I never would've done myself, partly because it makes me redevelop an appreciation for being at home again. I definitely feel like I got away properly and cleared some of the cobwebs in my head.
It was so cold this weekend. I reckon it’s nice to go away, because then you really appreciate coming home again (particularly if you’ve cleaned the house before you left)
Absolutely! We all need a good reset every so often, I forget how to do this. And to your point I am SO glad I cleaned the house before I left, even though it was really tough to squeeze it in... Felt so luxe coming back to a tidy house, sparkling kitchen, clean floors, neat bed...
🥶
🔥🌶️❤️🔥
^awoo^
that’s a proper winter day
fucken freezen mate
Brrrr
Joining the Odd Sleep club - kept on stirring awake every hour or so, with weird dreams the last couple of times.
The one that did me in the end was dreaming I went to a once off client (I work in aged care) and first of all the car wouldn't move and I was somehow blocking both lanes, then when I got there the client thought he was having heart problems and we agreed we'd wait and see what happened and yeah, if he wanted to finish his electronics project go for it, it'd soothe him whereas I know damned well from first aid training and personal experience that when in doubt you Call The Fucking Ambulance. So basically I couldn't get back to sleep for going WTAF, plus the cats both using my shoulders as pillows.
Eventually got up and turned on the heater because my face was freezing - took a while for the cats to figure it out but now Zooks is on my lap on the couch. Sammi is probably being a mini-potat in the bed
Watching Spy but randomly skipping parts of the start because i want o love melissa mccarthy but there's only so much 'woman does stupid clumsy things and accepts being treated as lesser by overtly misogynistic farps' i can stand before i try to leap through the tv and attack her and i'm already close to the limit because miranda hart is in this too. Also still running a fever so relaity is trnous.
Maybe i should watch llama face instead
This is the truth of the universe
So's llama face
I really hate that.
There’s either the one dimensional girlboss who’s basically a male action hero with boobs and anything less than that is to be aggressively looked down on… or there’s the bumbling Bridget Jones everywoman who’s supposed to be relatable.
Mix of strengths and weaknesses pls
It's just for the movie, they have to make it all extreme so the change is much more dramatic.
But it doesn't ring true. The type of woman who would work in such a place would already be unorthodox and care little for social expectations regarding gender roles. She would have a strong character that doesn't care much what people say or think so there is no way she would put up with crap for long.
Kofta is a success!
There's my dinner for the next 4 nights. Fuck yeah!
I’m remembering how I was working hard on skincare and health before the lockdowns… it feels like I lost all that and now have to start again from the bottom.
so many hugs
Covid really was life changing for so many people.
I even kept it up into lockdown but then got hit by another devastating event.
I’ll do my best to recoup but man I could have done without all of that
Why am I awake?! 🤬
hi
Hello! Want to exchange creative expletives?
I’m fond of telling people to gargle rancid goat gnads.
Gangrenous would have more alliteration
Dam, the new cafe has shitty snack packs. e: They're simple things to make well enough. Yet most places near me stuff them up in one way or another.
Like a HSP? They're like the simplest sum of it's parts thing to put together. Good meat is key in them though
They fucked up on the ratios, 80% chips.
That's no good at all. The best HSPs are covered in meat and you've got to eat some to even get at the chips that are soaked in sauce and juices
Modding Skyrim, looks like the 2021 Anniversary DLC is both necessary for a lot of mod lists and prohibitive on older mods.
Looks like the rain is over, and it's going to be a glorious day. Might have to get out in the garden ...
It’s very wet and there’s sooo many weeds. Sigh. I just planted tomato seeds last week, so of course it’s winter round 2 now.
Just filled the green bin with the grass that's sprouted in the flower beds, and haven't even touched the back section around the lemon tree or the front.
(So I <3 you Mlem, but you keep crashing or not opening.)
I have returned on Voyager. It’s look on iPad is meh, but who am I to complain.
I also now have a dirty little secret. I finally tried CGPT today. It didn’t do the particular thing I wanted it to do, but it was interesting nonetheless. I’ve been reading some interesting comments on people replacing therapy with it and claims of better results with it and the image version than hired agencies. That’s a scary thought, but I guess it really highlights language and literal vs interpretation. Guess being a prompt engineer really is a thing.
Warning, strange dream stuff in a wall of text below.
In other wild news on the channel that is my brain. Holy hell. The dream/s I awoke from the morning I think just highlights some stress level at an all time high. My dream was such an insane jumble of scenarios saying it out aloud was just so bizarre. I do get a lot of jump/cut scenes in my dreams. So that bit isn’t unusual.
dream redacted
Then I wake up.
So I used to tell these weird dreams to my friend when I was in primary and her father used to always say I was fibbing. LOL.
If I could ever write this stuff, I’d be a modern day Kafka. Hahahahah.
Oh damn. Just woke up from a nap.
Beep Beep 🚚
🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍈🫐🍓🍇🍉🍌🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥦🥑🫛🍆🍅🥝🥬🥒🌽🥕🥐🍠🫚🥔🧅🥯🍞🥖🥨🧀🧇🥞🧈🍳🥚🥓🥩🍗🍖🫓🍕🍟🍔🌭🥙🧆🌮🌯🥗🍲🍜🍝🥘🍛🍣🍱🥟🦪🍥🍘🍚🍙🐠🍤🪼🦀🐙 🍗🥮🍢🍡🍧🍰🧁🥧🍦🍨🎂🍮🍭🍬🍫🥜🌰🍪🍿🍯🥛☕️🍵🍺🍶🥤🧋🧃🥂🍷🥃🍸🍹🧉🔋
Do you have any rancid goat gonads?
Ooh me too thanks! With some crisp bread
📦🍞
📦
Selection of onigiri and a large g&t please bacon.
🍙🍙🍙
🥤
Thanks. I really liked the egg one.
Can I have a mixed berry muffin?
🍓🧁
Also some tuna pasta please
🐟🍝
Dreams are messages from the deep.
I don't believe that. I think dreams are just little snippets of real life and fiction trying to tell a story in your most relaxed state. They don't mean anything because they're not real.
It's the opening line of the movie "Dune".
exactly, and we are the author
Oh gosh. How embarrassment 😳
Noo embarrassment. I think your statement about dreams is genius. So true and so well written. 😘
Sometimes they're messages from the shallows though.
i should’ve gotten up two hours ago but now im up and that is good
Vinyl finds today are a recording of the Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, the guys Bugs Bunny plays with. I have 4 of their records now, it's just like famous tunes and greatest classical hits but nicely done and a box set of Rusalka by Dvorak too. Last week I got a box set of The Merchant of Venice and over the next week I'll be playing all my Shakespeare records. :)
But mainly I took another bag of stuff to the opshop. 👍
I can feel my eyeballs pulsing
Ow. That doesn't sound good. Cold compress maybe for symptomatic relief?
That's the weirdest part. It doesn't feel like a ssinus thing, its just...bulging pressure differential
That actually sounds like it might be worth calling Nurse on Call or similar - just in case there's a blood pressure issue.
Anyone watching UFC with me? Best card in fucking ages
Opened the Sunday Sun quickly and saw a fluff piece on a police horse involved in the recent protests.
It's funny how they can't find a person to build sympathy towards. And what about we stop selling weapons and making animals cops instead?
Accidentally posted this as a reply to the flowers before.