Spyke
werefreeatlastreply
lemmy.world

There were no fast moving cars back then. I think Jesus just fucked up. Although, you know he's been around the entire time cars have been around. So maybe you're right and he just let go of the wheel. Heck maybe he did it on purpose!

2
Maggotyreply
lemmy.world

They forgot to specify "controlling" the vehicle. Jesus did what they asked. It's not their fault!

20
tal
lemmy.today

Judges 1:19:

Now the Lord was with Judah, and they took possession of the hill country; but they could not drive out the inhabitants of the valley, because they had iron chariots.

Dealing with vehicles has never really been a terribly strong point for God.

48
Flying Squid
lemmy.world

Though its occupants were not immediately identified, the Post reported that the bus was “known to belong to” Donna Eiden and Rocky Granata, a Pennsylvania couple who criss-cross the country to hawk pro-Trump merchandise at his rallies.

Grifters upon grifters...

40
MojoMcJojoreply
lemmy.world

I've entertained the idea of traveling around to grift the grifters, but selling trump swag back to trumpers sounded too easy to be legal.

3
perishthethought
lemm.ee

“It was parked by the CVS and it just rolled down,” a witness can be heard saying in the video. “Nobody was in it.” “Holy crap,” another person replies, adding that it was a “freaking miracle” no one was hurt.

Well, there you go. Jesus helped 'em out a little, I guess

34
Cyrus Draegurreply
lemm.ee

i'm no longer christian but the idea of imagining jesus as a goalie, hell as the net, our souls as the ball/puck, and sins as the other players is kind of amusing to me.

4
Lost_My_Mindreply
lemmy.world

See I went the opposite way in my head.

He's still Jesus. It's still like 25AD or whatever......but Jesus is just like "hey guys.....wanna build an ice rink?"

And everyone else is like "Dammit Jesus.....WE can't perform miricles like you! We're in the middle of the god damned arabian desert, and you want like 9,000 gallons of water in a controlled environment. Then you somehow expect that water to freeze cold, instead of evaporate and absorb into the sand. THEN.....you want to get one of those.....what were they called? Zamboni??? Not even sure what that is. But you say it's going to smooth the ice, so we can attatch knives to our sandles, so we can glide on ice. ALL OF THIS in an attempt to stick 10 guys on the ice with long sticks, to swipe at this black thing to get it into the net........just gonna say it Jesus. I think you've been turning water into wine again. You have a problem.

Flash forward 3 weeks later, and the Jerusalim Saints (probably butchered the spelling) are up 5-0 as the game ends, against the Red Sea Monsters.

And afterwards he was like "See? I told it'd be fun! We won because Jesus Saves.

3
Cyrus Draegurreply
lemm.ee

in this timeline, Jesus taught them all how to walk on water - by freezing it first :D

1
yemmlyreply
lemmy.world

Obama? Get real. Obama is, and always has been, Hunter Biden’s puppet. You want proof? Hunter had a laptop. Why would anyone other than a criminal mastermind who secretly rules the world own a laptop?

8
Ghostalmedia
lemmy.world

“This right after Trump gets declared guilty,” the person continued. “Unbelievable. If ever you needed a metaphor.”

20
Deadeyegai
lemmy.world

I'm sure it couldn't have happened to more deserving people. They always seem to be a menance on the roads at all times. But good lord, how much money have these people spent on just MAGA merch? That inside is plastered wall to wall. A fool and their money, i suppose....

11
Zierreply
fedia.io

Sadly, they are selling the fascist merch, according to the article.

3

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